it seems as though this has started to become a bit of a trend, but i as well have made my move away from tblog. this was done back in november, but as many of you know, it was what i deemed my "personal blog". ive gotten over that stage. i thought it would be a place for me to write my thoughts and not have to worry about what other people have to say about those thoughts. but the more i think about it, the more i miss having other people's imput and help. ill say right now, so dont say i havent warned you. my blog has changed a bit. ive moved on from just writing about what i did that day to writing about what im really thinking. there are a few harsh words in there, but i want everyone to keep in mind that a lot of what i do is spur of the moment. its not something that i am going to hold against you forever, it is just what happens to be on my mind that day.
well its a new year, so i guess its a good time to welcome everyone into my new blog, and say goodbye to this one.
sorry it has been so incredably long since ive added anything to this blog. a found a new home for my thoughts, one where the people i talk about wont be offended by anything i say. nothing horrible, dont worry guys. i just got really sick of not being able to write stuff because i didnt want to cause some big drama deal. so maybe once im more down with this, everyone will be welcome. until then, im gonna try and keep posting on here, i know ive been a delinquent about it lately, but i love blogging, so im hoping to keep this one up and running,
the past month has been a whirlwind, its been totally crazy. with the holidays coming and everything, i havent had much of a chance just to stop and breate. since i last posted i have been officially accepted to UofM and Marquette University. and ive been unofficially told that Xavier is "extremely impressed with my high school achievements, and should have a letter in the mail near the beginning of january" so i guess that means no matter what i have somewhere to move on tyo next year. somewhere that i can get away from this crazy town (although this year i have begun to realize how lucky i am to live in such an awesome area, but it is time to move one) and leav eit for visits back home.
wow, brendan is reading an article about caffine in national geographic on the couch behind me, and he just informed me that every day 4 new starbucks open. wow, i dont mind starbucks in the sense that they have good coffee, but they have taken over, i swear. i could not be happier that we dont have one in this town. i love the small town atmosphere of our little roast and toast (the local coffee place) and i would hate to see that taken away by starbucks.
anywho, christmas is apon us and i could not be happier. there is just something about the holiday season that makes me overjoyed. it is a time when my family actually spends tie together without fighting. everyone knows that its christmas, and just not to say something if its bothering them. you see, usuallly our "family days" turn into fighting days. but maybe its the joy i get seeing people open presents that ive bought then and the look of happyness on their faces. or maybe it is just the overall holiday feeling that i love.
well, im off to watch elf with my mommy.
this stream is flowing in all different directions
I am not really sure where i was planning on going with this entry...i just know that i need to write something. so i am going to do what mrs. nemecek refers to as "stream of concousness" and just write whatever the hell comes to mind.
the past few days have been a daze. its like i am living in someone else's life, the decisions i make come from elsewhere, everything does. its as if i am just watching someone else live my life out for me. one of the strangest feelings ever. i know that i have to get up and move on. although i may not be completely happy with the situation, i need to accept it and move on, live my life. i know that the future is the best place for me right now, not sitting here dwelling on the past. so with that said, i have decided that i am going to try my best to occupy myself over break, and get my mind off of it.
we all know that the first step in recovery is denial, and you have to get past that step before you can move on the anything else....and that is what i need to do. i need to tough it up and tell my mom. (and dad, but hes not quite as concerned with my life). i think that part of me kind of feels that if i dont tell her, then it hasnt happened. but i also know that is far from the truth. i have had the chance. i mean she makes comments about him all the time, just the normal little things, and i could easily turn and just tell her, but that would mean taking that first step, and to tell you the truth i am not ready to take that step
This seems like its not quite right, but i hung out with lauren tonight and we were talking about how it is great that we are both going through this together. although our situations are far from similar, i have always feared being in this situation with our group of friends. the single one has always kinda been the odd man out, and as matt and i's relationship hadnt been goin too hot lately, i was honestly afraid to be alone. as we all know i dont do well with feeling alone and i just knew that i could not return to where i was two years ago. i spent so much time (and my mom spent so much money) to get me out of that, and i knew that i could not return to that. it would have been too painful both for me and for my parents. and i knew that i couldnt put them through that all over again.
now that i talk to him i can feel the tears building up in my body. its like they are pushing themselves up from the bottom. then they just break through, and i cry for a while. and then it all starts over again. that is how it has been since sunday, but i can feel it coming up again. god i thought that i was over this earlier today, past the crying stage. but i guess not. i guess that i have much farther to go, so much farther. i thought that by distancing myself from him, i could get over things. and it worked for a few days, but now that i talk to him again, i know that we cannt lose our friendship by separating ourselves from one another. i would rather suffer through a few more weeks then i would have then to lose him as a friend.
ever since we first met, matt has always been the greatest friend in the world. he is the type of guy that you can tell something and know that it will never leave him. someone that you can talk to, who will listen to you, and i mean actually listen, not just pretent and really be thinking about something completely irrelevant. i can always know that if i need him, i can call and he will drop whatever he is up to to comfort me. that kind of dedication is something that i have never found in anyone else. i wish that i could say i am surrounded by people that amazing, but im not. he is the first person to ever have this much of my trust. i know that we had a few trust issues earlier in our relationship, and those issues still stand, that one thing i still havent forgiven him for, but i still trust him more that anyone else.
well... for that randomness i am finished, but im ap lit today i had forgotten my catch-22 book, so i was left to do nothing all hour, and i started writing, so i thought i would share it with everyone. now remember, it is a rough draft, so no laughing!
well the events of the last few days have proved to be interesting. although my mind is spinning because of everything, im not quite ready to write about it. you see if i write about it, then that means i would have to settle with myself that it did in fact happen, and i am just not ready to do that yet. so until that day comes, im just going to avoid it altogether
on a happier note, i was talking to keley in spanish today about the concert last week (she went too). and she had managed to sneek a camera in, thanks to her super deep purse with lots of pockets that the security people were too lazy to check all of. so she asked it i wanted some of her pictures, and brought them to me on a disk after her free hour! YAY for kelsey. so heres a few of um.
this one is andrew playing konstantine. that was such a chill part of the show, and it was great. the whole crowd was just kinda swaying with the music and singing along.
well there ar a few of the pics. hope yall enjoyed them.
Good god, that concert was soooo awesome. i have never been to anything like that. Granted i have never really been to a big concert ever, but this was still awesome. for all of you who didnt know i went to a something corporate concert last night
The band that opened for soco was pretty good. they were a little heavy for my style, but they werent bad. The lead singer had some pretty awesome hair, it was crazy. lauren and i wanted to touch it :). but before the concert really started, we were standing around by the stange kinda. and the two girls in front of us turned around and started talking to us. they were super nice, and taught us how to fend for ourselves in the mob of people. So we were set when the kinda heavy music started. it was wild, they started playing and all of a sudden it was like a huge wave of people, and you just kinda had to stand there and let the people around you hold you up. These guys (motion city soundtrack) were pretty good, and everyone was really roudy. we were all jumping around and everything. so we just decided, cant beat um, then join um. so we went crazy as well, and it was a blast.
When they finished up, it was like a sudden shock. i couldnt believe that we were only a set change away from seeing our favorite band ever! So something corporate came on the stage and the croud honestly went MAD. we were screaming and everything, it was awesome. And let me tell you. soco is better than ever live, they really knew how to get us goin. and they played the best music ever! (well of course since it was theirs) we were just jumpin around and screaming the lyrics all night! then at one point, andrew randomly is like "you guys look like a crowd of lenard skinard (i cant spell) fans. are you?" so the crowd started screaming and he started playing last dance with mary jane on his piano. then after the intro, he looks back at us and is just like "fuck that, im not playing that shit" and started playing konstantine, so the crowd went really crazy. and hes all like "dont wanna hear lenard skinnard now do ya?" it was funny. then after he got a ways into konstantine, he went and sat down in front of the crowd, on the side of the stage. it was adorable. AHH and the piano he played is honestly the coolest piano ive ever seen. it was pained like the cover of North with the guy with the packpack, and lyrics scrawled all over it. and he played it just oh so well. at one point he backed way up, ran and jumped on top of the paino and started walking around on it. it was awesome. and andrew got a haircut and it is sooo cute. aww (sorry matt) but he was really damn hot. AHHH it was so awesome. god i dont know what else to say, im just in shock that i actually got to go to that concert!!!!
well my class is getting close to being over, so i really should get goin. but i seriously think that last night i died and went to heaven. im just so incredably happy. more another time guys
AHHHH i just wrote a really long blog about my week and it got deleted...so im just gonna start where i left off and not bother with everything that got deleted
On the way home from debate last night, we spent most of the time having a discussion about a person that most of the bus dislikes. it was a wonderful time for everyone to get out all the pent up anger towards this person. i think that overall it was a really healing experience, if that makes any sense.
today was a relatively stressful day. i took an AP bio test that was supposed to be split between two days, but because i missed that class yesterday i had to take the whole thing today. believe me it is not fun to sit down and answer 143 questions about the cell and its actions wit hno break whatsoever. but i am thankful to report that i passed!!! horray for me. this was actually, as hard as this may be to believe, the first test all year that i have passed. I got an amazing 65% on it!!! god, i never thought the day would come that i would be rejoicing over a 65% on a test!
well, there is much more to add, but matt just got here, and we are off to charlevoix to chear on lauren and jackie and the rest of the team during their final bball game! w00t! more later.
well overall i had a wonderful weekend. It was the debate tournament in Ann Arbor at UofM, so that occupied me for most of my time.
Friday morning, we left real early in the shitty school suburbans to drive down to ann arbor. apon arrival we suited up for the tournament, and headed to lunch then to our first round. Char and i went neg against these 2 boys from Nashville. They were amazing, and Char managed to do nothing but flirt the entire round. it was bad, they werent even that cute, but you know her, she had to be a little flirt. but the first guy got up for his first speech, and i didnt catch a single word of it....just SOOO fast. so i ran some really really general stuff, and then they kicked our asses some more, it was pitiful. In Sam's words "we got raped on the flow" yup that sumarizes it pretty well.
After that round things got a little better, we actually were able to deabte with the people, so even though we lost all our rounds, it wasnt as bad as it seems. Friday and Saturday were pretty much debate and nothing else for most of the time.
After debate on saturday, i met up with Whitney (a friend from NSLC who lives in Chicago) which was amazing. she is one of the most unique girls i have ever met, and we get along soo well. it was just really good to see her. so we went out to dinner and then just kinda walked around campus, and visited a few people.
After my time with her, brendan and my cousin Margaret came and picked me up. we went and saw the incredibles. for all yall out there i definately recommend that movie to you, it was awesome. And after that we stopped by brendans dorm to see the bunny, and then went to my cousin's friends birthday party. it was alright, but i didnt know anyone but brendan, so we just had a beer and then went back to his dorm. Overall i was really happy to get to see Brendan. we have a strange relationship for a brother and sister. we actually get along and hang out more like friends than really siblings.
Anywho, sunday we went to church and lunch, and then drove home. then i stayed up til forever reading Dante for what turned out to be a super easy test in AP lit. Today wasnt too bad of a day. i saw the same guy speak in three of my classes, but he gave completely different speeches in each one so it was actually interesting. Learning about the UN has really made me want more to do with internatioal politics. but not exactly just the American relm of it. i would actually really like to get away from the american aspect, and get involved in some other countries government. that would be an amazing way to take my life. anyways.
On another note, something really sad happened over the weekend. Steve Dart, some of you may know who he is, or may have heard me talking about him before. he was one of the owners of the tennis club when i worked there, he was essentially my boss. He always came off as a little bit strange, and i always was a tid bit afraid of him. but anyways, he killed himself over the weekend. I feel so incredably bad for his family. they are awesome people. he has about five kids, whom are all left with only their mother now. The situation is just so sad, i dont even know how to react. so if everyone could pray for the dart family it would be really appreciated.
I was doing my world issues homework, searching for news on the country of Greenland, and this is one of the articles that came up in my search. I found it to be rather amusing.
US to invade Greenland to remove threat from lack of WMD
DeadBrain has learned that US President "Boy" George W. Bush, supported by Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney, has ordered his Secretary of Offence, Donald "Dr Strangelove" Rumsfeld, to prepare an armed invasion of Greenland, citing the complete lack of indications of weapons of mass destruction there.
This unprecedented action follows on the heels of Mr Cheney's assessment of a report released yesterday that showed failed dictator Saddam Hussein™ did not have the weapons of mass destruction that the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld troika used as a pretext for invading Iraq.
Mr Cheney said today that the report by the chief US weapons inspector in Iraq, Charles Duelfer, which said there was no evidence that Iraq produced weapons of mass destruction after 1991, justifies Mr Bush's decision to go to war. The report shows that "delay, defer, wasn't an option," Mr Cheney said, explaining that the evil dictator wanted WMDs and that was good enough reason for taking him out of circulation.
Upon hearing this Mr Bush apparently asked for a list of all countries in which there is no evidence of weapons of mass destruction and for a reason best known to himself settled on Greenland. He apparently became very agitated, telling anyone who would listen, including his cat, that the "Greenlandishers represent a clear and present danger to the Yanide States O' Merica." A White House insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that when asked to explain, the president seemed more confused than usual but suggested that "they must be up to something" and cited the Bush Doctrine as the reason to stop them doing whatever that is.
The insider denied that Greenland had been selected as somewhere where Mr Bush could safely "kick ass" to show his toughness before the possible US election, which might be held in November, barring unforeseen circumstances.
Greenland can, however, take some comfort in the fact that Mr Bush was observed to be looking at a map of the African continent in an attempt to find it.
In related news, it is understood that Mr Duelfer is to be rewarded for his work with a long holiday, "somewhere in Cuba". DeadBrain has been unable to substantiate this.
Yesterday I was optimistic in this country. I thought that the 18-29 age bracket of voters was going to come out swinging, and make a difference. It was said that if those voters went to the polls, then the election would have most likely gone to Kerry. And so much money was spent just on that one sector of America. But, there was no wonderful turnout, and no win for Kerry.
Although overall voter turnout was amazing, it was just the wrong section of the voters. Here in Emmet County, voter turnout was 71%, which is amazing. In Chicago, i've heard figures that it was 77%, which is awesome for there. I am happy that the people of this country are finally starting to realize that they do have a say in things, and can in fact change the outcome of America.
As many of you know i was praying (...figuratively, since i dont actually believe in that kinda stuff) that John Kerry would win the election. and as i hope all of you know, that didnt work out to my benifit. Although I am extremely worried about that, and i know American will have to deal with the issues that will arise because of that vote, there is another issue that ALMOST bothers me more than that election.
and that is the gay marrage laws that were on the ballot in 11 states. I do not understand how people can vote that way on something that is so against what our country is based on. We pride ourselves on saying that all people are equal, but we wont give those gay people the right to a union where they can experience some of the same bennifits as those who are married. just something to think about
on a happier note. I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! (thats for those of you who know what im talking about)
Well, the day is finaly here. The elction is tomorrow. As a minor there is really nothing more that I can do to get my canidate elected.
completely off topic.....but mrs. self just said this "so Dylan, your telling me that you skanked kyle's T agruement" i never thought that anyone other than mr. phelan would ever used the word skanked in that context, thanks for the laugh Self!
anyways, I now feel that all i can do is sit and wait. I have done everything i can, and my job now is to sit, watch the votes add up, and pray that i do not have to suffer for another four years of crap.
my assignment for AP lit tonight is to write 20 words on who i support for the presidency...so espect that later on tonight!
I could not be happier that it is finally the weekend. Although this week did go by kinda fast, it was the week from hell. I was not in the mood to pay attention in any class other than world history, and had no motivation to do any work. so its finally the weekend, and i have time to concentrate of getting my bio/lit/college apps finished! but im definately still gonna have some fun
tonight a group of us are all going to see the movie saw...sounds really scary, so im a little bit worried about going, i dont so well with scary movies. Until then though, my mom and i are making cookies. yummy!
well off to make some wonderful halloween sugar cookies :)
well, i made it through getting my wisdom teeth pulled, barely. Going in i was a little bit worried, but not too bad because i was supposed to be knocked out, and not remember a thing. But, the anethesia they gave me didnt work, so i was actually consious for the whole thing. I couldnt feel anything, but i can remember most of it. i was crying because i was freaked out, and i remember them pulling at my mouth, and everything. then afterwords i was balling my eyes out because i was so freaked out. The doctor said i shouldnt remember anything, and that i kept freaking out while they were doing it, so they kept putting more drugs in my IV, but they didnt work. so they made me stay in the office forever, until i stopped freaking out. so basically i wasnt supposed to conscious OR remember anything afterwards, but i was and i can.
anyways, im home now, and ive gotten over the fact that i was awake for the whole thing, except according to my mom i made the surgen feel really bad about it, i guess i was a bitch to him....funny i dont remember that part. but ive been sitting around my house watching movies since i got home yesterday, and icing my face, and eating my jello :) but i guess its all going alright. i may look like a chipmunk, but at least i dont have dry sockets. well, im off... wish me luck in recovering.
well, i sit here, and life goes on..showly but surely. today i learned that life is shit, and way too many people dont give a fuck enough to stick up to things that they say and be responsible.
person one: her and i were supposed to each write a speech for the tennis banquet, and then we were going to get together and compare, then split up the things that we both had in our speechs so that people wouldnt get bored while listening to us. well, i wrote my speech over the weekend, and on friday I started trying to get ahold of this person. of course, no answer, no reply to emails, no nothing. i left messages, i did everything i could. i really wanted to get together today after school, so we would at least have a day to prepare. so... i get home after school and person number one has finally replyed to me!!!! but dont get too excited. she is too stressed out writing her college essays to bust out a one page speech about somehting she has been living since second grade. so needless to say, she isnt writing anything, and i have to do this all by myself! woo hoo
person number two: first of all, im a debater, and debate is a huge part of a person's life if they participate. it requires a TON of time to do research, figure out stategies, and more. so...when you debate you need a partner. the girl i debated with last year was SOO excited about doing it again this year, until debate season actually started. she wont do jack shit. The other day i had t osay it straight up, "either you debate or you dont, dedicate your time, or else ill find a new partner" of course she said, no i want to debate, ill do it. i wrote our entire case, and am now blocking out all the shit that is going to get run against us. at school today, i simply asked her if she would come to practice and help me with things, and she said yes. but did she show up, i think not. it really pisses me off when people dont hold up to the things that they say they will. it shows a hell of a lot of immaturity.
Today has been nothing but stressful for me. my brother is home from college, and as much as i love him, it means that i get thrown to the side. i honestly mean nothing when he comes home. its brendan how was your day, what did you do, how is school. my aunt and grandma came over for dinner tonight. and i sat there and was not even accnoledged. they asked my brother everyhing in the book about anything that could possably be going on in his life. one time i even tryed to make a comment. but my aunt interrupted me with another question for my brother. i mean yeah hes not home very often, but even when they do see me, its nothing like that, i never get asked about my life.
on top of that. i was hoping to have a good day. today was the nine month mark for my boyfriend and i. i was just kinda hoping that he would stop in and say hi. even if it was only for a min. or two during lunch, or at debate practice. but i didnt get that, i didnt get a call, i didnt get jack. i guess that was just my last straw. i had been let down so many times all day long, and then the one person who always comes through for me finished it off.
well im off to read bio....maybe that will cheer me up.
Alright guys, im asking for a favor. On wednesday i have to give a speech in front of about 100 people at the tennis banquet. I just finished it, and i was hoping anyone who reads this would tell me what they think i should change about it. thanks guys, you rock. Here it is:
Wow, I can’t believe I am actually here; I’m actually finished with high school tennis. It seems like only yesterday that I was a freshman, wondering how I managed to make the team. Over the years we’ve had our ups and we’ve had our downs. We’ve had our good seasons and our bad seasons, record wise that is. But overall, when I look back on everything the teams have been through, it all ends up great in the end. This year has been no different.
& nbsp; &n bsp; Maybe the team wasn’t as successful as we have been in past years, but that makes no difference. We were a team, and we went out on the courts to have some fun. Throughout the season, we traveled close to twenty five hundred miles, and we made every single one count.
& nbsp; &n bsp; On our first trip, to Okemos, we sat through the heat, practiced in the 90 degree weather, and then got up early in the morning only to learn that we traveled all that way for nothing and the tournament had been cancelled. But we made a day out of it hanging out at the hotel, and some of us going shopping. A few weekends later we went all the way to Sturgis. It took us almost six hours to get there, but it was all worth it. We went to this nasty restaurant, and made an adventure out of our evening. Venturing to Wal-Mart to buy beads, and then sitting in a room making jewelry together. It’s those little things that really make a team come together.
& nbsp; &n bsp; After school started, life got a little more stressful. Not only did we have to worry about getting through practice, and doing well at the next match, we also had to worry about classes and homework. Even with all that stress, the team stayed fun. We stuck together, and helped each other out when we needed it. I can remember helping some of the other girls with homework. I know Dany helped me with my Spanish when I had no idea what it said.
& nbsp; &n bsp; A few weeks ago the season started to wind down, regionals was upon us. For me, the last two weeks are always the best. It is the time when all your hard work finally pays off, and you get to show your stuff at the big tournaments. This year we were switched to a new regional because our school is getting bigger. Even though many of us got our butts kicked first round, or maybe lost in a close match, the two days were a great ending. Everyone on the team finally came together really well.
& nbsp; &n bsp; I know that I am going to miss everything that tennis has stood for in my life these past four years.But a lot of it can be taken with me as I move on to bigger and hopefully better things.Tennis has taught me that a group of people, no matter how different they may seem, can come together as great friends, and make memories that will stand for the rest of their lives. It has shown me the great will people have to succeed. Even when they are losing match after match, girls will get out there every day and work at it until they start winning. Everyone should know that this sport is one to stay with. The girls that play tennis are one of a kind. Every one of the girls on the team this year had something about them that I absolutely loved. And I am going to miss every one of them.
well. i have no idea why im writing,i dont have that much to say but oh well. im in worl issues, the most worhtless class ever. we've spent half of this hour with the big screen down in teh computer lab, and all the guys played halo on x-box....what i high quality day!
at one we are leaving for grand rapods for regionals. im sad, but excited. tonight we get to go to olive garden, oh how i love that place.
well class is almost over, so im out, wish me luck everyone. god knows we'll need it to make it to states!
well, life goes on, and i keep getting more and more exhausted. This weekend we finally have some time off of tennis, which excites me just SOOO much. today we dont have practice, and all weekend we have off. then monday i get to run practice because margaret and belinda have to go to the seeding meeting in Grand Rapids for regionals.
Yesterday at out BNC margaret pulled me asside and had a talk with me about maria and kelly R. It seems as though they have no motivation to win whatsoever. and this is not a sport where you can just say, hey your not workin hard, im pulling you off the court, you gotta play the whole season. But i guess they lost 7-5, 7-6 to the JV team from cadillac, and that is just plain pathetic. so, margaret basically wants me to talk to them about their attitide because she thinks that they will listen to me over her. i have no idea what to do though. she said to think about it over the weekend and tell her tuesday if i want to talk to them of if i want her to do it. here, ill break it down for ya
if i talk to them, what am i gonna say?
i really want to be looked up at by them, and liked, so i dont really want to tell them off
if margaret talked to them, they would just get upset with her and probably not listen
we need them to be motivaed because there is no way we can make it to states unless the whole team is in the zone next week.
so basically it comes up to either me sucking it up and finding something to say to them, or else having a possibly completely unmotivated doubles team for regionals.
any suggestions i would surely appreciate them.
On a better note, homecoming is next week, although im missing the hollywood nights spirit day, so i cant wear fancy clothes to school, im still happy. homecoming week always means less work, more fun, and just crazy times. saturday lauren and i are getting our hair done together (like always :)) and then we are getting ready with katelin, going out to dinner, or getting dinner, and everything. then after the dance we are gonna go over to katelin's house and have a blast, im excited. i can get away with spending the night with matt on homecoming which ricks my world :) so happy. well class is getting close to being over, im glad i finallt got a chance to write, its been a while
well, time is slipping by. i cant believe we are getting close to the point where we have been in school for an entire month. it seems it was just yesterday that i was walking through the doords thinking to myself, this is my last first day of high school. ive started my college applications. im about to send in Western's, and UofM's is finished other than the teacher recomendation and the essays. so once those two are done, ive only got three more to go. so help me god that they arent hard, lol!!! i think that U of M is the worst out of them all, just because it is so dang long, and there are three essays that i have to do.
wow, i cant believe that in only 8 months or so, the school year is going to be over and im gonna be walking out of this school, and possibly never seeing or talking to many of the people here ever again. that thought is just so hard to comprehend. some of the people that i just see in my classes, and never really talk to outside of school are awesome people. and i would love to get to know them better, but now i know that this is my last chance. if i dont do it now, i may never be able to. so for everyone, dont regret your past. if you have a thought of doing something, just do it, so you wont regret it in the future!
with that thought, im gonna go start filling out some of the online applications.
well, time has flown by since the last time i wrote, school has started, ive been beyone stressed out, ive been pretty depressed, and ive been considering quitting the tennis team.....hold on its raining and i think the wondow is down on my car. WOOO FUCKING HOO. i just soaked myself for nothing, i actually am a little competant and did roll up my window.
ill start with school, i am oh so happy to be a senior, but its not quite as much as it has been cracked up to be. or at least it hasnt been yet. i get to school every morning at five after eight, and the senior lot is already full of incompetant juniors who think they are gonna park there. NEWS FLASH: every single senior walked up the hill in the fucking snow every day for two years, so let us have what we deserve. second, my classes are harder than i ever imagined it was gonna be. world issues is easy, but we still get work. we are actually doing stuff in spanish 4 because este wants all of us to take the AP spanish test. world history id an awesome class, but yet again, theres the work. i know there are gonna be papers and such for ap lit, and ap bio = 2 hours a night. it sucks. but at least i have my TA hour to calm down before i have to do anything after school.
the stress is the kicker though. i know im gonna have to push myself this year, but i dont think its anything that i cant handle. ap bio may not give me the best grade ive ever gotten, but it will definately teach me a ton. but with tennis in the mix, and worrying about getting all my debate research done (and when the walrus hasnt paid our invoice so i cant put anything in debateaddict). and tennis season, god, its awful. im the team captain, which im happy about, because i think i was the best person available for it, but its a ton of pressure. margaret (the coach) expects so much of me. yes i may be a one doubles player, and maybe i am better than laura (in her opinion not mine) but that doesnt mean im not human, and it doesnt mean that i cant mess up, cant have bad days. the other day i was sick, but i went to practice anyways, and asked if i could take it easy a little, but i still went out and lead my team running and so on. but every time i missed a shot, everytime i let a ball bounce twice, she was right there in my face, even though she knew i wasnt up to practicing at all. now i wouldnt mind, i know coaches should be intense, so i wouldnt mind if she was like this to everyone, but its just me. when she talks to us between games, she sits there and tells laura what im doing wrong and tells her to make he fix it. and then she looks at me and just says dont do this dont do that, its sooo hard to handle. you have no idea, i have never been yelled at by a coach for playing badly until this year, and its one of the hardest things to handle. i honestly walked off the court one day, just wanted to look her in the face and say "fuck all of this, its a worthless team, and im out" but i knew i couldnt because i had a partner who relys on me, and who i would never leave like that, and i have a team that im supposed to lead, and i dont just walk out when im the leader. so i stick it out, and i will for the next month of so. so here i am, kicking my own ass for letting her treat me like she does
im gonna head to bed but one last note. i dont know i jillian or jordan read this blog, but i want them to know how immature i think they are, and how much bullshit they create for their own enjoyment. i hate everything that is going on, and i hate that it has come to this. im not that violent of a person, and when i saw jillian walk into the basketball game last night, all i wanted to do was get up punch her in the face and tell her what a worthless bitch she is for what she has put my friends through. so what that she hasnt done anything to me, she has hurt the two people that i care about most, and thats enough to hurt me
god i hate tennis parents... today we had a dual maqtch in cadillac, and the fans there were just horrible. it really didnt help that one of the girls we were playing is the most annoying/biggest bitch i have ever played... shes just horrible. she cant control herself, she freaking starts crying whenever they are losing, its bad
anywho, her dad was there and he was just such a jerk it bugged the shit outa me. tennis is one of those sports where the fans are supposed to clap when you hit a good shot, not when the other person fucks up...and so on...but not this guy. ahhhhhhh he was just such a jerk. for example, there was this one point, where his daughter hit a nice volley, and laura went to hit it, but right as she swung her raquet, this guy started yelling and screaming, "nice shot sonya" and so on....so laura messed up.... BLAH. then on laura and i's match point, i missed the ball, going for a low hard volley, and he just started cracking up. i turned right around to that girl, and said "will you please ask your dad to shut the hell up, hes a jerk" and turned around. AHHHHHH probably shouldnt have said that but oh well. i say it how it is, and if they dont like it ,then deal with it and get a better dad.
im a bitch arent I???? please answer guys
anywho, lately its been kinda lonely. i do my thing, but barely ever get to see matt. this week, its been pretty bad. sunday i worked all day then babysat at night...so no matt time. monday i worked til 6, then went to practice... so the only matt time was after he got out of work for like an hour and a half. then today i had a match in cadillac, so the only time i saw him was for an hour with we got home.
its just sad, because i think back to earlier this summer when we used to be together for hours and hours every day....those times are gone away. so sad so sad.
well...i was all set to write all about my day, a good one i must say, but i just read matt's blog only to learn that he beat me to it...so since my entire day pretty much involved him, i guess you sould just read his to see about my day :)
and i just HAVe to reiderate the fact that matt won me a big monkey!!! (actually my dad corrected me and told me it is an orangatang, but i dont care, its my monkey). god, this is strange. but we were at the fair, walking down the little isle where all the games are, and matt was like, pick something you want, and we'll try to win it...so i saw this huge monkey, and i wanted it real bad. sooooo we spent like half an hour throwing little rings at the bottles until matt finally prevailed over that damn glass... but the feeling i got when i picked up my monkey (took a ton of my straingth, god that thing is huge)...all i could do was smile, and i just wanted to giggle, i was just so giddy. a feeling i havent felt that strongly in who knows how long....so now im happy because i have a liofe size stuffed orangatang...i think he weighs like 30 pounds, and i can truthfully say he is bigger than anyone who lives in this house...as well as that he makes a wonderful kitchen mate sitting at the bar :) smile for my giant monkey
well today i had a nice and relaxing day. i didnt have to anywhere until 6:30 tonight, so i got to sleep in until i felt completely rested :). which ended up beang til almost noon. then when i finally got out of bed, al i reallly did was put on some sweats and go lay on the couch, where i read my ap lit book until it was time for tennis practice....yes i read about 125 pages today.
after that came tennis practice, which for some odd reason was actually refreshing. we warmed up for a while, then voted for team captain, and ran some laps while margaret tried to figure out hwo won....only to discover that somehow the team had voted for me...yes i was a bit suprised. i mean yea i understand that things like that are usually given to a senior...just well, because they are a senior. but the way it goes on a tennis team, one of the top players is usually the captain. and since there are 2 other seniors (the only other 2) that play above me, i was a little taken aback. ahh well, i was happy all the same. i didnt really think that i was THAt well liked on the team. i mean yeah laura and javen are both awesome, but a lot of the other juniors i really dont know all that well....
anywho, after running and all that, we hit for a little while before it started to rain, AHHH so we had to go inside and hit against the walls and run and everything. but as much as i usually hate going inside and sweating my butt off, it made me feel really good today.
then after practice i showered and everything, then matt and i went to the new coffe shop, harmony grounds or something and got some chai (YUM) and something to eat....after that we went and watched Waking Ned Divine, which is one of my favorite movies, and i really wanted to share that with matt, but he really didnt seem that into the movie, so that made me sad :(:(:( i just wanted to share it with him, i thought that he would like it. oh well......
well the day started out good, and then slowly went downhill from there. first i went to work....and then i had to go to the festival on the bay to play with toys....the rocking horse had a booth down there and they were donating part of their profits to the tennis team, so we had to spend time at the booth. all of that was good a dandy...
from there we had our little barbeque thingy for steph since shes is leaving for college soon...i was all excited and thought it was gonna be awesome. and then it just seemed like anything i did, i got critisized for it. like matt got all mad at me for repeating something that he said....and johm told me to chill out...i mean yeah maybe they were all kidding around, but i just felt out of place and like no one wanted me around. honest to god, i almost just went home after we left the state park...we were going to laurens....but alas of course, i stayed.
and to make it all even better, on the way out to laurens, since i was all alone in my car, i called sam, my cousin, seeing as though he had called me last night and i didnt get a chance to return his call...but when he picks up the phone he sounded like he was crying. and he told me he had a horrible day and that everything was going wrong...but he didnt want to talk about it, so he said he would call me back next week when he got everything figured out. :(:( now im all worried about him and i have no idea whatsoever what is going on...so everyone hope for good
well, thats it for me for tonight....errr actually, heres my scedual, everyone tell me if you are in any classes...those of you who arent done already
1 general PE with Farris, hopefully switching out, then world issues with Loe
2 spanish four with Este
3 world history with Tamm
4 AP lit with Young
5 AP Biology with Nicholson
6...it says class needed, but i should be TAing for mrs self.
well, i think that its finally starting to hit me, although i know its not gonna actually sink in for a while....
my girlie that i spent time with almost every night this summer, and talked to at least once every day, the girl i have been through it all with, shes leaving me...
god steph, i thought i was gonna handle this all adult like, and just value the time i get to spend with you...but now with all this talk of apartments, and classes, and everything, i have to accept that your gonna be gone soon :(
well...theres my little rambling for the night, short i know, but i am just starting to get really sad...so i had to say something.
at our tennis tournament yesterday, javen and i spend at least an hour reminising about our times in past years....one of the biggest things being the amazing memories we always make at regionals. her freshman year we played golf in the hallway at the hotel with some guys from the soo...and russ came out at like 2am and pretended he was our dad and made us go to bed......last year the p-town golf team came and visited us cuz they were staying across the street...and the next day we screams go petoskey when we drove by the golf course and got funny looks. of course theres the bad memories.....the seniors vs everyone else fight last year....WOO HOO. then....the biggest thing of all, applebees, and the fact that we always go there, because its down the stree tfrom the hotel we always stay in, and its always close to javens b-day, so we have them sing to here (and she likes to be in the bathroom when they come, and she comes back and has missed everything). ALSO, we love playing regionals at ferris, because the ferris coach that runs the tournament is AWESOME. :(:(:(
im sad to say that everything awesome that has happened at regionals incorperated with big rapids or ferris is never gonna happen again. just as everything grows, everything also changes. our school has grown in size, and as we have always dredded, but never thought would actually happen....we've been moved up to division 2. so no longer do we get to go to big rapids (EVER this season, ans esually we go there twice). we now play in grand rapids at forest hills central :(:(:(. i know it sounds stupid, and everything, but our regional was awesome, everyone was so much fun, and it was relatively easy.....now we are stuck with 2 of the top 10 teams in the state....and we need to get in the top 2 at regionals to make it to states....or get the 16 pts...but thats really hard to do if you arent in the top 2. so we honestly dont have a chance....and the only thing that i really wanted was to make it to states my senior year
